The Pryor Times

Breaking News


June 6, 2014

The Porter Report

Spirited away

PRYOR, OK — My early frontrunner for Sports Story of the Year (an award invented for the purpose of this column) comes to us from the African nation of Ghana, which will send its men's national soccer team to the World Cup in Brazil later this month.

The nation's foremost witch doctor, Nana Kwaku Bonsam, claims he foresaw and caused a knee injury to Portuguese star striker Cristiano Ronaldo, which is a now a sentence that has a meaning and not just a random series of letters and punctuation.

"This injury can never be cured by any medic," Bonsam, who looks like Wesley Snipes playing a cross between Bob Marley and Gandhi, said in an interview with a UK radio station. "They can never see what is causing the injury because it is spiritual."

Ronaldo may miss Portugal's June 12 World Cup opener due to tendinitis in his left knee and a left thigh strain, which could greatly influence Ghana's chances in the so-called and now seemingly not-so-far-fetched "Pool of Death."

Ghana will compete in the same pool as Portugal and the United States in this month's World Cup preliminaries, a scary thought for any fan of the United States men's national team. Each of the players on the team's 23-man roster has at least two functioning knees — knees that Bonsam could easily injure through his use of magic, if his claims regarding Ronaldo are true.

Bonsam (whose full name roughly translates to "The Devil of Wednesday" and marks him as a distant relative of the Devil of Friday, Rebecca Black) and his bad juju have no place in the world of sports.

International soccer's governing body, FIFA, needs to take a page from other major sporting organizations and outlaw all performance-enhancing voodoo dolls, spirit-summoning "M-V-P" chants and any other supernatural rituals designed to gain a competitive edge.

Until there are regulations on magic in place, like those seen in the Harry Potter universe, athletes need to be very aware.

You never know when you might get a common athletic injury that a witch doctor from an under-developed country could claim he sent you from thousands of miles away.

Text Only | Photo Reprints
  • adair abbey stephens.jpg Adair aiming high in 2014

    Adair's Lady Warriors will have plenty of chances to earn respect and a shot at the program's third straight regional tournament appearance in 2013.

    July 28, 2014 1 Photo

  • dirtseller pirtle.JPG Locals take their game nationwide

    Five Locust Grove Pirates represented the United States over the weekend at the USA Football 16U/17U National Development Games in Towson, Md.

    July 28, 2014 2 Photos

  • Patterson, McIntire named to rosters

    Salina's Cullen Patterson and Locust Grove's Cameron McIntire have been selected as replacements for this week's Oklahoma Coaches Association All-State events in Tulsa.

    July 27, 2014

  • kegley mug.jpg Pryor's Kegley serving with purpose

    Pryor's Taylor Kegley always knew he was destined for a career of service.

    July 24, 2014 1 Photo

  • Chouteau approves athletic upgrades

    Chouteau High School is getting a head start on making upgrades to its athletic facilities.

    July 22, 2014

  • doty mug web.jpg Ex-Tiger Doty adjusting on and off the field

    Former Pryor Tiger Christian Doty joined the Oklahoma Baptist University football team for its first season in 73 years in 2013, and rejoined the team Friday to begin preparations for the school's sophomore season.

    July 19, 2014 2 Photos

  • lococo.jpg Wildcats marching to their own beat

    After spring sports finished, Salina head coach Matt Williams had a peculiar message for his football team.

    July 17, 2014 1 Photo

  • Tigers earn top seed, fall in semis

    Pryor's improved passing game was on display again Monday, as the Tigers traveled to Hilldale for a 7-on-7 tournament and finished in the tourney's top four.

    July 15, 2014

  • IMG_9538KRT.jpg Summer Nationals returns to Chouteau Bend

    After a year-long hiatus, the Mid-America Summer Nationals drag boat races will return to Chouteau Bend.

    July 15, 2014 1 Photo

  • brock taylor.JPG Pirates slowed at 7-on-7 showcase

    Locust Grove went head-to-head against some of the best skill players in the region last weekend at the Southwest Elite 7-on-7 Showcase in Springdale, Ark.

    July 14, 2014 2 Photos