The Pryor Times


September 21, 2013

Make believe time is here

It's that time of year again. The time when people prance around in makeup and costumes making believe they are someone they're not. Spaces are decorated with flickering lights and toothy grins. One night is full of imagination, magic and illusion. It's a little beautiful and a lot haunting. It's terrifying enough to make grown women cry and children run away.

Ah, yes, it's Miss America Pageant season again.

The pageant aired Sunday and I was careful not to watch a single second of it.

My self-preservation instincts will not allow me to watching anything with that many women under  size 4.

Otherwise confident women are driven to hysterics by the sight of these beauty queens. Follow a trail of empty Ben & Jerry's containers and you'll find the less confident women.

For approximately 72 hours, the winning contestant appears on every late night comedy show and every early morning news program. For roughly one more day, people try to dig up dirt. Then it all goes away.

For all their promises of world peace, I never see much of the winners after they are given their crown.

The day after the pageant, like the day after Halloween, leaves you feeling numb and slightly queasy. It feels as if you've overdosed on sugary fakeness.

I suppose it is possible that as I am not beauty queen material, I resent the pageant just as a diabetic resents a holiday full of candy covered temptation.

I always wake up the day after the pageant, despite having avoided it at all costs, feeling like one of those over-stuffed orange trash bags made to look like a pumpkin.

There's always some sort of scandal, this year it's the winner's Indian descent.

The pageant marks the beginning of a season, Superhuman Season. These pageant contestants are just the foot soldiers; long legged foot soldiers with perfect hair/skin/teeth, but foot soldiers nonetheless. The next wave are the dancers. These women look a lot alike but the dancers, as seen on Dancing with the Stars, have talent and rhythm.

Every week they dazzle us with their poise and ability to run around in high-heels, backwards.

As normal human women are layering leggings and cardigans and looking forward to putting on some winter weight, the final round of Superhumans are deployed. Victoria's Secret Models.

You cannot view any sort of media outlet without seeing a Victoria's Secret workout routine or makeup trick. The try to sell us on some hokey face cream, promising us it will make average women look just like the models.

Ah, yes, it's that time of year again.

Since opinion columns are supposed to have a point beyond being an irritated rant, here it is:

We have got to stop letting these women make us feel like we are less than human, because we all know they were probably created in a factory anyway.


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